I'm really convinced now when the older folks say, "when your time is up, its up."
The other day I was on night duty. At 4+am I was still looking at uncle who was sitting up and smiling at me. 5+am when I went to attend to him, he was unresponsive. I thought I was dreaming and it was just one of those time whereby I'm knocking off soon and my eyes were playing tricks on me. When I shook and shook and he didn't respond and there was no spontaneous breathing, I know I've lost him.
As the family turned up, crying at the sudden loss of their loved one, I felt like crying myself. I was still recovering from shock myself. I explained to them what happened, and I felt my lips quivering. Like, what just happened?? Wasn't he still alive just now and looking at me?
Its when you're so helpless, u can't say, "its gonna be alright" cuz its not. He's dead.
After experiencing so many people leaving my life just like that, you really have to admit that sometimes some things are just meant to be. And if it's meant to be, it's meant to be. Whatever you do will just be deemed futile. So just treasure everyone around you now, for you really won't know. The next moment you see them will be just during their funeral. Sighs.
Sorry for being so morbid and gloomy, but its really sad! Just need to let it out...
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Updates.
Wow, its been one month since I last blogged here! :S
Sorry for the lack of updates! I'm still alive, really! Life hasn't been exactly awesome for the past one month as I struggled with tiring rosters, preceptee who doesn't seem to understand anything I say and of cuz, the stress at work which is a constant.
The only thing I thank God alot for is an OH who supports, loves and is always there for me :). Thanks dear... <3
I was just talking to him yesterday, after a relaxing camping trip at Changi Beach (superb place! Better than ECP!!), looking back at my life I feel a little sad that I have to face the harshness of working world at such a young age.
I believe all the poly graduates will understand what I mean.
Upon graduation, we're only mere nineteen-year-old fresh graduates. If you have nice colleagues, they will "sayang sayang" you for being a xiao mei mei/di di (little girl/boy). But if u are in a working environment that is full of politics, people will just tekan you because you're young.
But I'm thankful I have nice colleagues, won't deny the fact that there are bad ones too, but still, I'm thankful for surviving. I do wish I had more time in school and that I will be able to enjoy more of those student days. Seriously, there are days when I hated work so much, I just wish I have the money to pay the bond and tender in my resignation. But well, also thank God for the bond, that I'm still here, learning how to survive in the workplace earlier than all my peers in university.
I guess this is life. Its just that I have to face it younger.
SIM sent me a brochure on degree courses at SIM Global. I was seriously contemplating to join the part time degree course (over 2 years). But sister asked, "are u coping at work anot first?" That struck me. I'm not.
I just hope all these will go away as I continue to learn how to cope, how to handle all the difficult situations that will face me in time to come. Keep me in prayers :)
Sorry for the lack of updates! I'm still alive, really! Life hasn't been exactly awesome for the past one month as I struggled with tiring rosters, preceptee who doesn't seem to understand anything I say and of cuz, the stress at work which is a constant.
The only thing I thank God alot for is an OH who supports, loves and is always there for me :). Thanks dear... <3
I was just talking to him yesterday, after a relaxing camping trip at Changi Beach (superb place! Better than ECP!!), looking back at my life I feel a little sad that I have to face the harshness of working world at such a young age.
I believe all the poly graduates will understand what I mean.
Upon graduation, we're only mere nineteen-year-old fresh graduates. If you have nice colleagues, they will "sayang sayang" you for being a xiao mei mei/di di (little girl/boy). But if u are in a working environment that is full of politics, people will just tekan you because you're young.
But I'm thankful I have nice colleagues, won't deny the fact that there are bad ones too, but still, I'm thankful for surviving. I do wish I had more time in school and that I will be able to enjoy more of those student days. Seriously, there are days when I hated work so much, I just wish I have the money to pay the bond and tender in my resignation. But well, also thank God for the bond, that I'm still here, learning how to survive in the workplace earlier than all my peers in university.
I guess this is life. Its just that I have to face it younger.
SIM sent me a brochure on degree courses at SIM Global. I was seriously contemplating to join the part time degree course (over 2 years). But sister asked, "are u coping at work anot first?" That struck me. I'm not.
I just hope all these will go away as I continue to learn how to cope, how to handle all the difficult situations that will face me in time to come. Keep me in prayers :)
Thursday, April 23, 2009
One year...
Just 16 days ago, I "celebrated" my first year at work!
How fast isn't it? To think I was so apprehensive about work back then, wondering if I'm able to cope and all. One year has just past like that!
But that doesn't mean as a one year missy I'm good. I'm still making blunders here and there (sighs..) and its outright demoralising. I need to knock some sense into this coconut of mine already! Playing sudoku to keep my brain active. Aiyo.
I just hope I can soon soon li li and work well, don't get myself into anymore trouble! Still got 2 years of bond wor. Haha.
Jiayou woman, you can do it! :)
"I need to piss!" *flashes victory sign* PEACE!
How fast isn't it? To think I was so apprehensive about work back then, wondering if I'm able to cope and all. One year has just past like that!
But that doesn't mean as a one year missy I'm good. I'm still making blunders here and there (sighs..) and its outright demoralising. I need to knock some sense into this coconut of mine already! Playing sudoku to keep my brain active. Aiyo.
I just hope I can soon soon li li and work well, don't get myself into anymore trouble! Still got 2 years of bond wor. Haha.
Jiayou woman, you can do it! :)
"I need to piss!" *flashes victory sign* PEACE!
Saturday, April 4, 2009
Apologies...
I had a chat with Junyuan the other day about this particular person. Just few months back, when I was still serving in church, she was my leader, my teacher. She taught me many important and useful lessons and principles in life. How to handle situations in godly manner. She tried to be personal, and I know she is. But maybe due to her authority over me as a leader, there was a barrier between us and honestly I just can't share the deepest of my personal thoughts to her..
But to me, she was a friend and someone whom I know I can look to if I needed advice. She taught me how to be a leader. She led me to my calling for God and she encouraged me when I was broken by members of the cg. However, in my eyes, our relationship was no more than that of a leader and disciple. I simply did not dare to show her that I really couldn't cope with the leadership role in church as much as she thought I could.
I guess, for too long, I have been maintain too much of a spatiality between us, so naturally I suppressed too much of how I really felt. Despite toying with the idea of leaving, I struggled to stay on but I still try to appear spiritual in front of her and my members for the sake of the cg. God knows, and I know. Eventually I left church as the cg disbands. And naturally, she was the first person I couldn't face. I know I broke her heart by leaving, I've disappointed her as I wasn't able to meet her expectations.
She tried to contact me but I really can't face her. Moreover, being in church for too long, I know that she's also making attempts to bring me back to church again. At that point of time, the idea really puts me off, and I didn't want to respond to any of her calls, email or smses.
Of cuz, she is still someone dear to me as all that she taught me are valuable lessons to me. I try to catch up on her life by reading her blog, but each time I read it, I felt so remorseful as I thought about what I've done. Part of me wants to explain and apologise to her. The other part of me is too proud, ashamed, afraid to do so.
So as I was saying, I told Junyuan about what happened. He told me to take the initiative and email or sms her. I picked up my phone and didn't know what to text her. I opened my email and I didn't know where to start...
Sighs. I just pray that somehow something will happen.. Like a script will fall from heaven. Or somehow she'll see a vision of how guilty I am. Or whatever that will let her know that I am really sorry about leaving abruptly and being uncontactable subsequently.
God, can u teach me what to do..? :S
But to me, she was a friend and someone whom I know I can look to if I needed advice. She taught me how to be a leader. She led me to my calling for God and she encouraged me when I was broken by members of the cg. However, in my eyes, our relationship was no more than that of a leader and disciple. I simply did not dare to show her that I really couldn't cope with the leadership role in church as much as she thought I could.
I guess, for too long, I have been maintain too much of a spatiality between us, so naturally I suppressed too much of how I really felt. Despite toying with the idea of leaving, I struggled to stay on but I still try to appear spiritual in front of her and my members for the sake of the cg. God knows, and I know. Eventually I left church as the cg disbands. And naturally, she was the first person I couldn't face. I know I broke her heart by leaving, I've disappointed her as I wasn't able to meet her expectations.
She tried to contact me but I really can't face her. Moreover, being in church for too long, I know that she's also making attempts to bring me back to church again. At that point of time, the idea really puts me off, and I didn't want to respond to any of her calls, email or smses.
Of cuz, she is still someone dear to me as all that she taught me are valuable lessons to me. I try to catch up on her life by reading her blog, but each time I read it, I felt so remorseful as I thought about what I've done. Part of me wants to explain and apologise to her. The other part of me is too proud, ashamed, afraid to do so.
So as I was saying, I told Junyuan about what happened. He told me to take the initiative and email or sms her. I picked up my phone and didn't know what to text her. I opened my email and I didn't know where to start...
Sighs. I just pray that somehow something will happen.. Like a script will fall from heaven. Or somehow she'll see a vision of how guilty I am. Or whatever that will let her know that I am really sorry about leaving abruptly and being uncontactable subsequently.
God, can u teach me what to do..? :S
Saturday, March 28, 2009
F.R.I.E.N.D.S
As I was looking through my MSN contacts today, some names led me into deep thoughts..
Aren't these the people who always went, "u can count on me!" or "lets keep in touch", and the like? What happened to them now?
As we pass through life, we will have met people from all over the places who call themselves "friends" to you. These may be people from ur school, church, workplace, etc. But isn't it sad that when you leave these places, all these "friends" leave altogether as well?
It just makes me feel sad that after I left this institution, all those so-call "friends" of mine haven't quite gotten in touch with me anymore. And sadly, these were the people whom I confided in or who confided in me. And now, I don't even hear from them anymore.
So, u may say that I'm also one of the culprits, for I didn't take the initiative to keep in touch. Alright, I won't deny it. Maybe I should start saying hi again?
Ahh. Shall not let such thoughts spoil my beautiful Saturday. Moreover, I'm going out with my OH so I should cheer up! :)
Aren't these the people who always went, "u can count on me!" or "lets keep in touch", and the like? What happened to them now?
As we pass through life, we will have met people from all over the places who call themselves "friends" to you. These may be people from ur school, church, workplace, etc. But isn't it sad that when you leave these places, all these "friends" leave altogether as well?
It just makes me feel sad that after I left this institution, all those so-call "friends" of mine haven't quite gotten in touch with me anymore. And sadly, these were the people whom I confided in or who confided in me. And now, I don't even hear from them anymore.
So, u may say that I'm also one of the culprits, for I didn't take the initiative to keep in touch. Alright, I won't deny it. Maybe I should start saying hi again?
Ahh. Shall not let such thoughts spoil my beautiful Saturday. Moreover, I'm going out with my OH so I should cheer up! :)
Sunday, March 22, 2009
RICH KIDS.
With all the crappy things about Wall Street and AIG, I thought that there's a bad 'economic downturn', as everyone is saying..
Today as I was on the bus home, I spot this supposedly JC kid (from the way she speaks + the things she say) looking very poised. She was holding to this Gucci handbag. I was already quite surprised at how she could get that Gucci bag, when she whipped out another Kate Spade wallet from that bag. Like what?!
Actually its not the first time I'm seeing things like these.
Take more public transport, open ur eyes bigger and you'll see that LV Gucci Chanel is no longer something for the rich. EVERYONE (alright I'm exaggerating..) is holding a LV wallet, Gucci handbag, Miu Miu bags, true religion jeans, ed hardy tees... whatever brands u name, I'm sure within one hour of standing around the streets, u can find someone possessing them. Interestingly, most of them are young people! Alright, lets give a them benefit of the doubt, MAYBE its just an A grade counterfeit product from China. But really, even so, where do all these people get the money to travel even!
The other thing that's commonly seen is MP3 players. I guess that there're about 20-30% of commuters on one bus ride alone listens to a MP3. From observation, most of them are carrying branded MP3 players like Ipod, Creative, Samsung or the like. It is as though Ipods are selling at 10bucks each but NO. Still the same price, no change at all. In fact, I do think that with more added functions to the newer generations of Ipod, the price actually increased! Same as for other brands of cuz.
I can't help but wonder, what's with the so-called "economic downturn"? Lets think this way, with "economic downturn", Singaporeans are already so well-to-do, what happens when we're really prospering?
I was just thinking, is it a REAL economic downturn, or is it more of a MENTAL downturn. Mind over flesh. Quite familiar to all eh?
Just an interesting thought.
Alright I shall stop here. With my bad command of English, I really don't know how to express myself well. Hahaha :D. Hope that everyone reading will understand me! :S
Today as I was on the bus home, I spot this supposedly JC kid (from the way she speaks + the things she say) looking very poised. She was holding to this Gucci handbag. I was already quite surprised at how she could get that Gucci bag, when she whipped out another Kate Spade wallet from that bag. Like what?!
Actually its not the first time I'm seeing things like these.
Take more public transport, open ur eyes bigger and you'll see that LV Gucci Chanel is no longer something for the rich. EVERYONE (alright I'm exaggerating..) is holding a LV wallet, Gucci handbag, Miu Miu bags, true religion jeans, ed hardy tees... whatever brands u name, I'm sure within one hour of standing around the streets, u can find someone possessing them. Interestingly, most of them are young people! Alright, lets give a them benefit of the doubt, MAYBE its just an A grade counterfeit product from China. But really, even so, where do all these people get the money to travel even!
The other thing that's commonly seen is MP3 players. I guess that there're about 20-30% of commuters on one bus ride alone listens to a MP3. From observation, most of them are carrying branded MP3 players like Ipod, Creative, Samsung or the like. It is as though Ipods are selling at 10bucks each but NO. Still the same price, no change at all. In fact, I do think that with more added functions to the newer generations of Ipod, the price actually increased! Same as for other brands of cuz.
I can't help but wonder, what's with the so-called "economic downturn"? Lets think this way, with "economic downturn", Singaporeans are already so well-to-do, what happens when we're really prospering?
I was just thinking, is it a REAL economic downturn, or is it more of a MENTAL downturn. Mind over flesh. Quite familiar to all eh?
Just an interesting thought.
Alright I shall stop here. With my bad command of English, I really don't know how to express myself well. Hahaha :D. Hope that everyone reading will understand me! :S
Thursday, March 19, 2009
PMS
"Premenstrual Syndrome (PMS) is a collection of physical, psychological, and emotional symptoms related to a woman's menstrual cycle."
Its something every girl goes through monthly.
Its the time of the month whereby you'll just do silly shit for no reason.
Shout for no reason.
Cry for no reason.
Laugh for no reason.
Eat for no reason.
Starve for no reason.
Tired for no reason.
Hyper for no reason.
Grouch for no reason.
Irritated for the slightest or even no reason.
Mood swings like mad with no reason!
Just want to cuddle your little teddy, hide under those nice comforter and have some sweet chocolate ice cream (to hell with all the diet plans).
But when you are working, in order to present your professional image, you hide 'em. Trying ur best to mask everything.
So after suppressing your deepest emotions, you just wish that those close to you actually understands what you're going through instead of getting mad when you do irrational and silly things.
Being a woman is not easy. Do men actually understand? Or do they think that we're just trying to be silly/difficult/irritating/______(fill in the blanks) and using PMS as an excuse?
What do you men know?!
Okay fine. I hate to be a woman. Maybe I should be a man.
AHH. I'm PMS-ing. Can't you tell?! Damn it!
Okay I'm really, going irrational already. Stop it Cinthia, stop it!
Its something every girl goes through monthly.
Its the time of the month whereby you'll just do silly shit for no reason.
Shout for no reason.
Cry for no reason.
Laugh for no reason.
Eat for no reason.
Starve for no reason.
Tired for no reason.
Hyper for no reason.
Grouch for no reason.
Irritated for the slightest or even no reason.
Mood swings like mad with no reason!
Just want to cuddle your little teddy, hide under those nice comforter and have some sweet chocolate ice cream (to hell with all the diet plans).
But when you are working, in order to present your professional image, you hide 'em. Trying ur best to mask everything.
So after suppressing your deepest emotions, you just wish that those close to you actually understands what you're going through instead of getting mad when you do irrational and silly things.
Being a woman is not easy. Do men actually understand? Or do they think that we're just trying to be silly/difficult/irritating/______(fill in the blanks) and using PMS as an excuse?
What do you men know?!
Okay fine. I hate to be a woman. Maybe I should be a man.
AHH. I'm PMS-ing. Can't you tell?! Damn it!
Okay I'm really, going irrational already. Stop it Cinthia, stop it!
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