Listen!

A friend, M, told us some situation that is going on in her life currently as we were having lunch after a discussion.

She was in dire straits (a little exaggerated la) and had no idea what to do next. As she spoke of her problem, the bulk of us started telling her things..

"I think you should _______!"

"Ya, I really think you should do _______..."

"How about doing ______ since you find it difficult?"

"Otherwise you can ________ la."

"If I were you, I would ________."

"I tell you what, you go and ________."

"Yayaya! You should just do _____!"

I was part of the "culprits" performing the above act. But finally at one point I got tired of trying to speak so I sat to listen. As the list of "you should" went on, I felt frustrated.

Its like, voices are going on and on telling M what to do. Have anyone listened to how she feel?

I tried asking, "What are your plans then?". It was quiet for a moment as she spoke; indeed she was rather lost. Then the silence was broken as one person started the "I think you should.." again.

I went home reflecting on the whole conversation. Many a times we thought that since people come to us with a problem, its natural that I provide an advice or a perceived solution to the problem. Well, that's what I've always thought is the right thing to do. I always have got list and list of advices to provide, stories after stories of how others or myself handled a similar situation. When these doesn't work, find some other situation that's worse and tell your friend, "so its okay, things aren't that bad yet." I used to feel proud of my counselling skills, thinking I'm not too bad as a "counsellor" at such a young age!

However, I learnt that in counselling, active listening is very important. I believe that applies to when you talk to your friends too. And guess what's a taboo? Providing advices and suggestions (well I believe it's important but not at the initial stages, definitely not after a mere few sessions of sharing). Quite contrary to popular beliefs of since-she-come-to-me-for-advice-so-I-give-many-advices isn't it?

A friend of mine once told me, "sometimes when people share something with you, its not because they want an advice. You think you're the first person who told them this advice? U're probably the 100th person. They just need a listening ear. You don't have to say anything more. Just be there." That slapped me awake from believing I'm that great. Hahaha. But I will always remember this statement.

As I sat there to listen to everything, I really felt frustrated. In the same way, I believe M probably felt frustrated as well. Then I remembered what my friend said, and it's really true. Here I am, encountering a situation that I believe M probably just needed someone to hear her out and not jump into giving her what seemed to be the "best" advice.

Well, what's done has been done. I guess since M felt comfortable confiding in us, I do believe that she also felt thankful that we tried to provide some solutions to her current problem. But I guess, learning from this incident, I should always remember to take time to listen instead of jumping into providing suggestions that we deem the best.

Food for thought for the day!

2 weeks

Well, its been exactly 2 weeks since I've last blogged, and honestly speaking, I don't have any topics in mind that I wanted to exclaim about.

Nowadays, I no longer blog about my daily musings (like I used to in the past) because I believe nobody actually reads them anyways :D. Well I used to be able to blog a 5000-word essay about one 3D2N camp in full details. Come to think of it, I don't think anyone have actually finished reading the entire chunk of crap, including myself :D. Hahaha. Anyways, as I was saying, I will try to find a topic of interest that I would like to talk about and people can comment on if they should read it.

I guess I've been stuck in a lifeless situation for the past 2 weeks, rushing assignments + tests + presentations that I did not find anything interesting to talk about. Hahaha :D. Now that I'm more freed up, I don't know what to talk about. Hmm.

Anyways, the main reason for this entry is to certify that I'm still alive, whether I have any topics to talk about or not. My pupils are still equal and reactive to light and accomodation. So my blog is not dead YET. But I'll be going on a trip to Genting for a short break from 1-4 April. Well, I've bought travel insurance so rest assured, I should be back to blog after the 4th. Hahaha ;).

1150pm

Time check: 1150pm.
Reality check: ICA test at 9am.

Here I am, neither studying nor sleeping, but blogging with my hp while tapping into a neighbour's wifi. And i don't even knw who this person is, i only knw his/her wireless name is 'ken'. Thanks 'ken', for always letting me tap ur wireless! Hoho :D

An w yes, its 1150pm, in less than 12 hrs, i'm gonna sit for my ICA test. And i don't knw what i'm doing here. Study, nothing goes in. Sleep, i can't seem to sleep. This is really infuriating.

I hate the feeling of not being in control. I am fully aware that I'm totally not confident for tmr's paper despite the fact tt i've studied. Well, kind of studied. I know the points but i did not memorise. I don't like to sit for a paper that i know i'm not >65% confident. And tmr i am going to sit for a paper with <65% confidence level.

Sighs. I just hope i can make it through the 100mins paper tmr.

Time to sleep, or try to sleep, at least..

Toilet etiquette

I think a signboard like this should be placed in all the LADIES.

Its really horrifying whenever I enter the ladies and I see toilet seats stained with pee. Worse that I've seen, the FLOOR also has pee. And we're talking about SEATED loo bowls over here.

We talk about men being bad at aiming. We tease at them to go for aiming classes. Google images on"men aiming toilet bowls", lots of search results will appear. But I totally cannot understand why is it that the LADIES' toilet bowl can be stained with urine all over when we don't have to pee standing, let alone aim!!

This is of utmost embarrassment as I talk about this, but aren't we all taught how to use the toilet bowl when we were being toilet trained as a toddler??!!

Girls! I think it is really a very bad behaviour to accept. Well, I understand from my fellow girlfriends that some of them don't actually really sit on the toilet bowl to pee. They do a half squat (马步) to pee because they cannot stand the thought of sitting on a public toilet bowl. For people like me with contours gone all over the place, with a big bottom I do find it difficult to do a half squat to pee (think: centre of gravity). I mean, no wonder some girls have really slim legs... BUT that's besides the point! :D

Anyways, my point is, I don't really bother about how other girls pee, but isn't it basic courtesy to clean up the toilet seat if you actually dirty it because you chose to half squat to pee? Well the toilet bowl is for you to sit on but you chose to half squat, and now you stain it. Its your own pee and you've just dirtied the public toilet, I should think its just socially responsible to clean up the toilet seat.

I feel truly annoyed whenever I see dirty toilet seats. Even more annoyed when I see footprints (but the incidence is much less nowadays. I see more pee than footprints). Its even worse when there's a puddle of pee on the floor. I really don't know how the girls did it.

I remember someone once told me, Japanese were taught since young, to clean up the toilet seat after each use (whether dirty or not) so that the next user can have a clean toilet to use. I find this culture amazing, but its really the reason why EVERY toilet that I went to in Japan is squeaking clean.

I don't forsee such culture to be practiced in Singapore because firstly, our girls can't even "aim" properly, and secondly, they don't even clean up their own mess. Wait till this can be done before we talk about cleaning toilet after each use to benefit the next user.

It is shameful to talk about this topic isn't it? But girls, can we do something about this? *shakes head* Its disturbing.

I think the men are laughing at this. They probably never thought that ladies need to aim to pee. Hurhur.

Looking back..

Today was the last day of my first set of attachment (lasting 1 month in 2 different places). Knowing that today being the last day of the week + being on morning shift, I've done up a to-do-list 2 days ago.

However, today as I returned home, I felt so drained and I just went to bed after showering, in my jogging attire (as one of the to-do items was to jog) and slept till night -_-. I woke up, changed out and rested. Wanting to do my assignment I was too lazy and tired to do so. As I was sitting watching TV and feeling apathetic, I just looked back at the last 5 months of school.

Well, school started with a blast and lots of fun. For most of us, it was something that we looked forward to because we don't have to work!! But the reality turned out to be the complete opposite.. In the middle everyone started to experience the stress especially with the first assignment submission and the big project. For most of us, writing an assignment is something new. Doing a school-wide project is also even newer. Some dropped out due to personal reasons. The others clung on tight to the floating sampan that may sink anytime.

5 months later, we're still hanging on tight, albeit this time, upon building friendships, we have each other's support. Well in a group, we can't prevent murmurs, gossippings and the like. But somehow we still hang on to each other tightly with our brains exploding with lots theories, knowledge, assignments, etc etc. You sink, I sink!

As I think of it this way, I suddenly realised that it isn't THAT bad at all! I mean, I've met quite a bit of my objectives, learning so much from all the external lecturers who imparted their expert knowledge. The best part, this course had not only has improved our knowledge, but at the same time, streeetchhhed our capacity to the max thus far. I believe everyone felt stressed out, burnt out, indifferent and apathetic at times, exhausted (and VERY exhausted indeed) but still, we cling on tight to the final destination of achieving that certification. I believe, most importantly, everyone has grown.

Looking at it this way, it does feel alot better. And look, we've gone through 5 months of hardship! It's another 3 more months and it'll be gone like a breeze. Before we know it, it's time for sad goodbyes and forget-me-nots.

People, lets hang on tight and finish the race!! :)