Looking back..

Today was a looong day, I was up since 4.30am in the morning and was home only at 11+pm after cg.

For some reason, I don't feel like sleeping. Felt this emptiness, had this urge to read my previous entries from my previous blog.

As I was reading, I felt so blessed.

Those who know me would have read my previous blog before, and know the kind of things that I went through for the past 4 months ever since I transitted to this new career.

I was reading, and realised how much I've grown. I'm not the same, O childish Cincinnati anymore, I've since grew up as a result of all these, no matter how bad they are.

And I realised, I'm able to cope so much better at work now. Previously I took it so hard whenever my supervisors scolds me. I often break down and cry many times after listening to those scoldings. I still remembered myself being so miserable after a comment made, and I cried while eating my dinner. For that 30mins while I was on break, I was sobbing.

But now, no longer am I that weak girl. I've emerged stronger from all the things I've went through :). I still cry when I'm hurt, but I've learnt how to wipe off those tears and move on.

The best part of them all, you'll love this :).

God was with me through EVERY SINGLE bad day that I went through :).

As I read, I saw so many ocassions whereby I'll hear the voice of God encouraging me, verses of encouragements or simply a loving touch from God. How awesome, isn't it?

"Whom have I in heaven but You?
And there is none upon earth that I desire besides You.
My flesh and my heart fail;
But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. "
Psalm 73:25-26

I felt so blessed to know that God has always been there, shaping and moulding me to be a better person through these trials. There was a short period of time when I was really bitter, really cynical with life. I never wanted to trust anyone anymore. He showed me,

"The LORD is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit."
Psalm 34:17

There was a time when my dad got himself into some bad debts and my house was at risk of being auctioned (as he may have to declare bankruptcy), yet he was doing nothing about it. I remembered myself being very angry and bitter with him. I felt that my dad is leaving all the junk to us and he himself being very happy and still out drinking. Yet the reassuring voice of the Lord said, "I know how it feels to be forsaken by your own father", and was immediately led to the scene at Calvary.

There were times when I felt that I've lost myself in work. I became so bitter with everyone that I simply drown myself in work so that I can get everything done properly and prevent scoldings. I didn't felt like doing anything else, didn't felt like going anywhere. My fire died down, I became another person. But God reminded me of the verse that led me to nursing,

"You are the light of the world. A city that is set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do they light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a lampstand, and it gives light to all who are in the house. Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven."
Matthew 5:14-16

At every point, God was there, picking me up when I fall, lifting me up when I was down. I'm just thankful that I could be at where I am now.

2 months more and probation will be over (hopefully). It was only 4 months and I've been through so much, emotionally, mentally and spiritually (talk about transition phase man!), I'm sure there's more to learn. I'm only glad that these 4 months, I have Daddy God with me all the time. When people are hard to trust, God remains faithful. :)

" but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint."
Isaiah 40:31

May this marks the start of a greater, stronger, joyful and better Cincinnati :). Glory to glory, amen? :)